2015AD: Bizarro Future World

October 15th, 2007 by Steve

Here’s my prediction of the front page stories from the New York Times around eight years from now. I’m not making this stuff up. According to today’s mainstream media, Giuliani does plan to protect us from space aliens and people will be having sex with robots over the next few years.

President Giuliani Announces $37 Trillion Defense Initiative

“We’ve got to be prepared to respond to any intergalactic threat,” the president told members of the Senate Committee on Armed Services. “We didn’t know about 9/11 until it was too late. America won’t be caught with her pants down again.” Defense Secretary John McCain testified about the potential space threat to the committee earlier this week. Page A4.

Speaker Tancredo Blasts House Democrats on Unregistered Robots

According to the latest Fox News/New York Times poll, 87 percent of Americans are opposed to robots in the work place. Survey respondents felt that corporations prefer cheap robotic labor to better trained American workers. Tom Tancredo addressed these concerns to Congress yesterday, calling for a mandatory registration program for all robots. He also stated that he would oppose any Democratic call for Robot Amnesty. Page A7.

Hillary Clinton Pushes for Patriot Act VII

“We no longer live in a global village, but an intergalactic one,” said Senate Majority Leader Hillary Clinton in a televised broadcast yesterday. “In order to keep us safe from space aliens, we have to surrender a few minor freedoms now in order to prosper in the future. And really, there’s nothing unconstitutional about the 100 percent body cavity search program at our nation’s airports.” Page B14.

Massachusetts Becomes First State to Legalize Human-Robot Marriages

Governor Barney Franks signed the historic legislation in a bill signing ceremony this morning. While Senator Romney attended the event, he doesn’t plan to be accused of flip-flopping on the issue again. “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Robota,” Romney said, referring to the popular sex surrogate model. Page D24.

Three People Arrested at Moon Base Hotel for Terroristic Threats

Intelligence officials uncovered a plot to smuggle a copy of the Koran onto the moon, Justice Department officials reported yesterday. Arrested were three students of middle eastern origin. Attorney General Fred Thompson indicated that the “very real possiblity” of Islamofascists and space aliens uniting to destroy our freedoms is vital to our national security interests. Page A4.

Posted in Bad Democrats, Civil Liberties, Bad Republicans, Culture, Just for Fun, Satire




2 Responses to “2015AD: Bizarro Future World”

  1. LittleJim wrote on 10/16/07 at 12:02 am :

    ROFLMAO!!!!!

    It would be even funnier if it didn’t have so much of an element of truth to it.

  2. paul wrote on 10/16/07 at 12:10 am :

    Good stuff! Ditto LittleJim above.

    Cross-post at LFV?

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