GordonUnleashed

Asymmetrical Medical Advice

November 9th, 2007 by Steve

After stopping by a doc-in-a-box, Megan McArdle ponders:

I am solemnly informed that this is not the right way to get medical care; I should have a primary care physician who really knows my case well. But this does not actually describe any primary care physician I have ever had, who was reading off the chart just like a perfect stranger would have. Not only did my physicians clearly recall nothing about me; in many cases, I had to remind them of the details of my chart. So can any of my readers tell me what actual good having a single primary care physician, rather than just any old doctor at a walk-in clinic, makes?

To begin, I rarely go to any doctor for medical advice or treatment, although I’m married to one and have a lot of friends who are practicing physicians. I’ve probably seen three docs professionally in a decade or more:

1. Went to a real doc in Cullman, AL for treatment of chronic back pain from an old Army injury. He recommended exercises (which do help) and gave me pain medications — which I quickly discontinued taking because of the side effects.
2. Went to a doc-in-a-box in Macon, GA to have some debris removed from my eye. I would have taken it out myself if my eyes weren’t tearing so badly.
3. Went to Georgetown Medical in Washington, DC to have some sutures sewn into my hand. I might have sewn them myself, but that’s difficult to do one-handed. My wife removed them at the appropriate time.

I don’t like waiting for a doctor who can almost be guaranteed to be late for the appointment time the two of us negotiated. I don’t like being treated like with an algorithm. Instead, I follow my own health care regimen:

• Daily iron intake is important. I generally order mine cooked rare.
• Wine for the stomach is a biblical treatment. I figure that God trumps even doctors (although I’ve met some doctors who would disagree). Last night, I treated my stomach (and palate) with a 2004 Casa Lapostolle Cabernet Sauvignon. It is rated an 84, but I appreciated it more than most 90-95 ratings of similar wines.
• For the back pain, I find that a tumbler of Booker’s Bourbon chasing a couple of Ibuprofen also chases away most of the pain. It goes well with a Montecristo Robusto.

Fortunately, we’ll have HillaryCare or RomneyCare soon, so I can be like everyone else and pay a lot of money for the privilege of waiting in a long line for a doctor who isn’t competent enough to keep up with his own schedule. Fortunately, this doctor will treat me like the number I am and prescribe medications which cause more harm than my original symptoms did.

My advise to Megan is to self-medicate whenever possible. The next best thing is to use the doc-in-a-box. At least there will be no pretense about being treated like a number. You’ll have plenty of opportunity no choice but to have a primary care doctor once the 2008 elections are over.

_{Legal Disclaimer: I am not licensed to practice medicine or provide medical advice in any capacity. I’ve never even played the role of a physician on television. I’ve never even played doctor. Any advice provided is not really advice so use the advice I didn’t really provide at your own risk.}

Posted in Health Care, Fiscal Responsibility, Culture, Just for Fun, Satire, National Politics

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