GordonUnleashed

Radical 5th Grade Terrorist Charged with Felony

December 18th, 2007 by Steve

This ten-year-old threat to the state was arrested with a steak knife. Allegedly, she brought it to school to cut her meat, but we know that she was probably on Osama bin Laden’s payroll. For some reason, police didn’t tase the student and she hasn’t been tortured by the CIA yet.

In addition to this recent rash of grade school terrorism, there is a clear drug war link to the hordes of elementary school students brandishing things from toy guns to Cub Scout pocket knives. Kids are also being caught with aspirin, Tylenol and even Midol in their possession. Everyone knows that Midol is the gateway drug which leads to the abuse of Flintsone’s chewables.

Back when they were expelling students for drawing firearms with crayons, reasonable people knew we should have been much tougher on those mini-terrorists. We should have deprived them of habeas corpus, stuck them in Guantanamo Bay, and waterboarded them until they spilled all of their secrets.

Unfortunately, we loved “the Constitution more than the love the safety of this nation.”

Props.

Posted in Zero Tolerance, Civil Liberties, Bad Republicans, Satire

2 Responses to “Radical 5th Grade Terrorist Charged with Felony”

1. Mike wrote on 12/20/07 at 10:50 pm :

   Next thing you know mixing Flinstones Chewables with Coca Cola on the rocks will result in teenage pregnancies :-O

2. Llwyd Morris wrote on 12/21/07 at 9:02 pm :

   Pls send me a copy of “Angry Yet?”. I cannot find it on utube.
   Thanks,
   LLwyd.

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